Blessings in the Midst of Trials

We still have reason to be thankful despite the miscarriage of our baby at 13 weeks, 6 days. Here are some of the things we are thankful for:

*We had just shy of 14 weeks of pregnancy to get to know and love our baby

*We had two opportunities to see our baby moving around with a healthy heartbeat. He even waved at us. :)

*We found out very early (12 1/2 weeks) at our nuchal translucency ultrasound that the baby was a boy

*I was still able to get in for my midwife appointment even though I was 15 minutes late because my car battery died while at the hosiptal getting my blood test done

*My favorite of the midwives was the one working. Helen is so incredibly compassionate. You really feel like she cares about you as a person first and then as a patient. (She is the one that delivered Patrick.)

*My mom was with me and the kids. After not hearing the heartbeat with the doppler, Helen went to get the ultrasound machine. Thankfully, Patrick had to go potty right when Helen was starting the ultrasound so the kids and my mom weren't in the room to hear the bad news

*Chuck was able to drop what he was doing and come right away

*I had choices for what to do next: wait it out, D&C, induction. Given my sister's complications from a D&C, I wanted to avoid one if at all possible and was thankful that I had other options

*I have a great group of friends at SLOCM, some of whom have had second trimester miscarriages and were a huge help in making the decision to be induced

*I had to switch to the doctor's care because the midwives are not allowed to deliver babies in their second trimester due to the increased risk of severe maternal bleeding. The doctor, though somewhat surprised at my choice to be induced rather than have a D&C, still followed my wishes. I wanted to have an ultrasound to make sure the whole placenta delivered and, if there was retained placenta, to do the D&C in the labor and delivery room rather than the OR.

*I was in the labor/delivery area of the hospital rather than on the regular floor which I'm sure would have made the whole thing feel much less like having a baby and more like a medical procedure. Chuck said it was difficult walking the halls with other dads who were having much different emotions at the birth of their child than he was. Surprisingly though, the sounds of newborn babies crying wasn't as bad as I anticipated. I guess because I didn't go to the hospital expecting to hear my baby cry.

*It turned out that I had met the day nurse, Gina, a couple years before at a Women's Retreat and we had quite a few mutual friends. They began attending Cornerstone Community Church shortly after we moved away. It was very encouraging knowing that she was also a Christian. She prayed with us when neither of us had the words to speak.

*The night nurse, Elizabeth, was a sweetheart. So incredibly sensitive to what we were going through. She laughed with us. And she cried with us when our baby boy was delivered and when she had to go off shift.

*I chose to get an epidural since I might need to be numbed for a possible D&C later anyway and figured I might as well take full advantage of not having to feel the contractions. The anesthesiologist was very compassionate. His wife is pregnant and due the same time I would have been so he was pretty emotional thinking about his own wife and child. I think the epidural was harder for others to watch than for me to get. Both Chuck and Michelle felt faint watching the procedure. The nurse said she can't watch them either or she'll pass out. Chuck later ran into the anesthesiologist in the hall and he was in tears over our loss.

*After several doses of misoprostol, there was some progress but it was clear it would be awhile. We got a few hours of sleep and at 6am our little boy was delivered. He was tiny at just 4 1/4 inches long. His little hands and feet were adorable.

*We had a couple hours to see and hold our baby, take some photos of him with a tiny quilt my mom made for him that would have matched his nursery bedding and say our goodbyes.

*An utrasound showed that the placenta fully delivered and I did not need a D&C

*My best friend, Michelle, was able to come and be with us at the hospital until 2:30am. It helped to have someone to talk to and laugh with about other stuff besides the impending delivery. Not sure what I'd do without her. She has been right by our side through this whole thing. She came the night we found out, sat with us at the hospital, joined me for some last minute Christmas shopping a couple days after, and then came the following night along with my friend Corinne to hang out and chat again and give us gifts from our girls' night out group. My close girl friends had a tree planted in memory of our baby, got us gift certificates for dinner and ice cream and offered to watch our kids so we can go on a date night sometime.

*My mom has been a huge help. She took the kids for several days while I was in the hospital and recovering. She also came and helped out at the house afterwards. She did dishes and laundry and childcare and meals. With the continued cramping I've had over the last 7 days, it's been nice to have some help with the kids and house. And, she did all of this while having her own plate very full with planning a wedding reception for my cousin, baking the cake, decorating the building, etc. Not to mention that she still has lots of Christmas shopping, baking, and such to do. They never even got a tree this year!

*Our friends and family have been a huge blessing and encouragement to us at this time. Church friends, family, friends from SLOCM, blogging friends, etc. have all sent their condolences and words of encouragment over the loss of our son. We appreciate everyone's prayers while we were in the hospital and now as we grieve. We go back to the doctor on January 7th. We will hopefully get the results from pathology and chromosome testing at the appointment and have some answers as to why our baby lived so short a life.

All this to say that God is good! Even when things are tough, he's still good.